


day by day (we keep going)

by A_Confused_Kitten



Category: His Dark Materials (TV), His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dad Lee Scoresby, Episode: s02e03 Theft, Found Family, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, POV Iorek Byrnison, POV Lee Scoresby, aromantic Asexual Lee Scoresby, doesn't mean they're romantically involved, hurt lee scoresby, iorek is lyra's parent, just because lee and iorek adopted lyra together, lee is lyra's parent, making a tragic backstory even sadder, rip to asriel and ms coulter but she's been adopted, the lyra and lee tag is only mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:15:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27912124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Confused_Kitten/pseuds/A_Confused_Kitten
Summary: He's bounding closer the moment he hears that voice, because that is Hester, and the hare sounds worried. Worried, instead of resigned, and that tells Iorek all he needs to know. It tells him that this is serious, not merely bruises from a petty fight, or sore muscles from a rough landing. If it were any of those, Hester wouldn't be worried, because Lee had survived worse.Knowing something and seeing it, however, are two entirely separate things, and anger bubbles inside his chest.“We just wanted to find something to protect her,” Hester says, her voice barely rising above the splashing water. “We didn't mean to hurt anyone-”Iorek knows that is true. Just like he knows Lee Scoresby isn't supposed to be barely breathing, isn't supposed to smell like a wounded animal, but that is how it is, and bears don't make a habit out of denying the truth.
Relationships: Iorek Byrnison & Hester, Iorek Byrnison & Lee Scoresby, Lee Scoresby & Hester, Lyra Belacqua & Lee Scoresby
Comments: 12
Kudos: 73





	day by day (we keep going)

They get out.

His body aches in a way he hasn’t felt in years and he’s tired to the bone. It’s only been hours since he was talking to the doctor, and yet, the exhaustion makes it seem like days, maybe even weeks. Every part of his body creaks and groans, and it’s a miracle he’s still standing. 

At the very least, his ribs are bruised, possibly broken, and a concussion, judging by the world spinning in front of his eyes. He says so much to Hester, and the hare glares at him.

“You need a doctor, Lee.” She says, rolling her eyes. “You’re never going to find Grumman like this, you _know_ that.”

And Lee does. He really does, but he’s not going to actually _admit_ that, not now. Not in the midst of enemy territory, surrounded by people who wouldn’t hesitate to beat him until he collapsed, and debatably, he deserves it, because he _did_ shoot a man dead, and-

Well. He’s in a worse headspace than he had realized.

 _There isn’t enough time for thinking about that now,_ he decides, because really, he needed to be gone hours ago.

Out of all the boats on the docks, there’s only one obvious choice. It’s an ancient looking thing, all splintered wood and rusted metal, and it’s small. It’s smaller than Lee is comfortable with, after too much time trapped in small spaces, but it’ll have to do. 

He drapes his coat over the aged wood, and peeling the leather off his bloodied skin isn’t a pleasant task. Still, at least having it on the floor of the old boat will keep any splinters or rough patches from aggravating his injuries, and it’ll make the next hours just the tiniest bit more comfortable.

Within minutes, the soft sound of the motor fills his ears, and they’re moving. Slowly, surely, the river carries them away, until the town is gone from their sight, and there’s no going back.

But he’ll be damned if he doesn’t hate leaving his balloon there, in that town infested by the Magisterium. Lee had promised to _fight_ for Lyra, to fly her wherever she may have needed to go, and look how that turned out.

Lyra was missing, and Lee is here. 

Left with nothing but bruises and memories of days he’d rather forget, stuck between a rock and a hard place, because his life is one-tenth of her’s, and he doesn’t regret this for even a second. 

Does he like it? Being covered in blood and struggling to keep his mind afloat? No. No, Lee doesn’t like it one bit. The pain grows every minute and his mind, well, let’s just say that his mental state isn’t exactly at its best. There are only so many reminders of his father that he can take, and purposely pulling them all to the forefront? Not Lee’s best idea.

But did he _regret_ it?

Not a bit.

The only thing Lee regrets is not making it to Lyra on time at that damned mountain. 

“Lee?” Hester calls, and her voice sounds distant. “Lee, you need to stay awake. You have a concussion, you’re definitely right about that, and you’ve had enough of those to know that you can’t fall asleep.”

 _I know,_ he tries to say, but the gentle rocking of their little boat is peaceful and calm and utterly painless, and he’s _tired._ And Lee tries to force his mind awake, because he knows better to let himself fall asleep in a time like this, regardless of how exhausted he is-

But his mind is already slipping away.

In the days since Lyra’s disappearance, for lack of a better word, from the mountain top, he’s spent much time on his own. He has a responsibility to his bears, yes, and he never forgets that, however, he’s spent many long years on his own, and he is not the same.

Iorek has always had a certain fondness for quiet. For simply watching as the world goes by, not ignoring the problems, because to ignore challenges is not something befitting a bear, but watching the small things.

He watches the clouds roll across the sky and thinks of an aeronaut, sees the flashes of gold of Iofur’s terrible palace and thinks of a child.

War may be the sea he swims in, as Lee Scoresby would say, but peace is the air he breathes. Because Iorek may love the thrill of battle, of fighting to set things right, but without peace, what reason is there to fight? Every night must have its dawn, and every battle must come to an end, for that is how the world works, and there is balance. 

Knowing that brings a certain peace to his mind, and peace is what makes him different from his predecessor.

“Iorek Brynison!” A familiar voice calls from the skies, and the white bird circling above him is no stranger. “I come bearing news!” 

He resists the urge to growl, to paw at the ground until snow clings to his fur, because Iorek knows little of witches and their daemons, but he does know this. Witches do not get involved in human affairs, and it is not common for them to interact with bears.

Whatever this news may be, Iorek doubts it will mean anything good.

“Why don’t you land, my friend?” He calls, his voice echoing across the tundra. “Rest your wings before your next flight, and tell me of this news you speak of.”

So Kaisa does. 

The snowy bird lands, his small, white form a contrast against the riverbed’s dark soil. His dark eyes meet Iorek’s, old and knowing, and he’s reminded that no matter how small the bird may be, he is still the soul of a witch.

“You see, Iorek Byrnison, I am not here under orders from Serafina Pekkala, nor do I come with news of the child. In fact, it was a particular daemon who asked me to find you, for she can not leave her human, and her human can’t be moved.”

And his chest constricts around his heart, because bears may be solitary creatures, but once a bear has chosen his people, they will not forget them. Once you have become part of a bear’s circle of people, there are very few things that will force you to leave it. 

You don't spend years traveling in close quarters without becoming close to them, and you don’t give a name to someone you don't wish to keep in your heart. Lee Scoresby and Lyra Silvertongue may be considered an odd choice of family, but they are his, and if Iorek is right in his assumptions, he cannot stay here.

“Tell me,” he says, through with pleasantries. “Is Lee Scoresby the man you speak of?”

“Yes.”

“Where can I find him?”

Kaisa is silent, considering him with those dark, dark eyes. Whatever he’s searching for, he finds it. “Five miles south of here. His daemon said they started on the Yenesei river, but I don’t see how that’s possible.” 

Iorek, of course, has enough experience with Lee Scoresby and Hester to know that with them involved, one tends to push the bounds of possibility. 

He bows his head, a simple gesture of respect, both towards Kaisa and his Serafina. “Thank you, but I must be going. I cannot in good mind leave a friend out in the cold, regardless of how they arrived here.”

"I must warn you," Kaisa says, as Iorek turns away, “Your friend is wounded, unconscious last time I saw him. He may not be of much help to you, in getting him to a safe place.”

This time, Iorek can't stop the growl that rumbles in his chest. “Lee is a friend, and to leave him behind, knowing he is injured, would be a terrible thing. If there is a way, then I shall help him.”

The bird looks at him, his head tilted to the side, and Iorek knows he's being tested. “Good.” Kaisa says, and within moments, he's vanished into the sky.

Once the daemon is out of sight, Iorek turns his eyes to the south. “I am coming, old friend.” He says, and the sky is the only one to hear the soft words.

“Iorek!” A familiar voice shouts, and his ears prick at the sound. “Over here!”

He's bounding closer the moment he hears that voice, because that is Hester, and the hare sounds worried. Worried, instead of resigned, and that tells Iorek all he needs to know. It tells him that this is serious, not merely bruises from a petty fight, or sore muscles from a rough landing. If it were any of those, Hester wouldn't be worried, because Lee had survived worse.

Knowing something and seeing it, however, are two entirely separate things, and anger bubbles inside his chest.

“We just wanted to find something to protect her,” Hester says, her voice barely rising above the splashing water. “We didn't mean to hurt anyone-”

Iorek knows that is true.

Just like he knows that Lee Scoresby isn't meant to be passed out on a too small boat, blood staining every inch of skin Iorek can see. He isn't supposed to be barely breathing, isn't supposed to smell like a wounded animal, but that is how it is, and bears don't make a habit out of denying the truth.

He steps closer, and gently, almost painfully so, lifts his friend to the ground, curling against his still form. “You are safe with me, I swear it.” Iorek says to the pair, and he means it. Bears do not make promises they don't intend to keep, and this is one promise Iorek refuses to break.

“Iorek?” Lee croaks, his voice quiet. “How’d ya get ‘ere? We’re supposed t’ be on the Yenisei river, ‘n’ your place ain’t anywhere near there.”

Though he smiles, because his friend is awake and talking, this _isn’t_ good. Lee’s eyes are half open and dazed, his breathing raspy and labored, and well, Iorek had rarely heard him slip into his mother’s accent, and in all of the times, that had only meant a concussion.

Of course, Iorek knows there is more than that. Lee’s wrist is swollen slightly, though, the cold temperature may have helped with that, and judging on his rattling breaths, his ribs are bruised, if not cracked. 

“The daemon, Kaisa, told me of your injuries,” Iorek tells him. He doesn’t say that Hester called for him, because that would only make Lee worried, and a worried Lee Scoresby is not one to take care of himself first. Iorek knows that from experience. “He found me five miles north of here, and I could not leave you here. I’m taking you back to my people, and you will heal in time. Then, you can continue your search.”,

Lee doesn’t say anything.

Iorek’s concern only grows, because if this was merely physical pain, Lee would not be silent. He’d protest, try to brush off Iorek’s words, even if he knew it wouldn’t work. For him to be silent, it means his mind was affected as well, and there are few things that can put a dent in Lee Scoresby’s mask of confidence.

 _Who is it that captured you, my friend,_ he wants to ask, but Iorek knows better than to try and pry for answers. From what little he knows of Lee’s history, it is not pleasant, and he keeps those memories buried deep. Keeps them locked away under his ribs, because they hurt his heart and he refuses to let them eat away at his mind.

 _Who is it who hurt you,_ he wants to ask, because you don’t hurt someone in a bear’s circle without facing the consequences, and Iorek would fight the world for his people, for these humans he’s grown to consider his own, and he cannot let them go without justice.

But none of these questions would help, so Iorek does not voice them.

“You look good,” Lee says, suddenly, and Iorek looks down to catch his gaze, “Bein’ a king fits ya, ya know?”

He huffs out a laugh, the sound rumbling in his chest. “And getting into trouble certainly suits you, though, it has been a while since I’ve seen you this injured.”

Iorek feels Lee tense more than he sees it, the man still propped up against his flank. “I ran into Ms. Cou’ter,” he says, and Iorek’s blood runs cold. Lyra’s mother isn’t one for kindness, nor is she one for mercy. But Lee isn’t done, so he stays silent. 

If he speaks now, Iorek won’t get another chance for an explanation.

“She wanted to know where Lyra is. Said she’d protect her, ‘cause she’s her mother.” And bears do not hide from words, no matter how dreaded they may be, but Iorek holds his tongue to keep from interrupting, because he knows how this story ends. “I tol’ her that doesn’ mean Lyra’s safe, and well, she didn’ like that very much.”

And that tells Iorek everything he needed to know. He remembers asking his friend about his family, once on a late night, at the beginning of their friendship, and he will never forget the way Lee shuddered, holding Hester close to his chest and going still, far too still.

Lee’s father was not a good man, and if Iorek ever sees the man, only one of them would walk away in one piece. 

But those thoughts are not what his friend needs, so Iorek sets them aside.

“She will not hurt you, nor will her daemon come close to you again, little daemon,” he says to them, and Hester perks up the familiar nickname.

“If there’s one thing you’re good at, Iorek,” the hare says, “It’s keeping people safe.”

And yet, Lyra went missing under his care, and his closest friend is too injured to hold his own weight. Still, Iorek doesn’t argue. He knows from that tone that Hester would only glare at him, and Lee, if he were more awake, would argue.

“I am taking you back to my homeland.” With those words, he rises to his paws, carefully, as though not to jostle either hare or human. “Do not try and argue with me, Lee Scoresby, for you clearly can’t go anywhere on your own in your current state.”

Riding on a bear’s back is _strange,_ to say the least.

Lee’s done it once or twice, when they needed a quick get away after getting up in trouble, though, it doesn’t make it any less unusual. It’s a constant warmth, whether you’re referring to the heat radiating from Iorek’s body, from Lee’s hands curled into his fur to keep himself steady, or simply the connection between him and Hester.

Because there’s no other place for Hester to go, other than resting on Iorek’s back, and the contact creates a feeling that can only be described as _warm._ It’s a constant buzzing in his ears, and the soft beat of his heart, and God forbid anyone call this thing between them romantic, but there’s no one else Lee trusts like this.

Because they’ve been hurt by human hands, by fingers wrapped around Hester’s ears and digging into their soul, and Lee doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to move past that. He doesn’t know if he _can._

But Iorek has proved himself better than that, kinder. Maybe it’s not about the _touching,_ maybe it’s the intent, because Iorek has never hurt them. Not when he lifted Hester so she could climb onto his back, holding her with a gentle paw, nor when she curled up alongside him, back when it was just the three of them and the sky.

It’s a lot easier to trust someone when all they’ve shown is fierce loyalty and protectiveness, than it is to trust someone, and hope you didn’t misjudge them.

“I can hear you thinking.” Iorek says, and Lee doesn’t miss the note of concern. “What worries you, Lee? I will not push you to talk to me, nor shall I judge if you trust me enough to speak”

And Lee trusts him. Of _course,_ he does, because really, you don’t spend years travelling with someone in a small balloon for years if you don’t trust them. He knows Iorek will always have his back if Lee needs him, and Lee trusts him to know secrets are, well, _secrets,_ for a reason.

Still, that doesn’t make the words any easier. 

“You know about my father,” Lee says, thankful for his no longer slurring words, because there are only so many damn things he can deal with at once. His head full of cotton, while manageable, wouldn’t make telling this story any easier.

“He doesn’t _deserve_ that title.” Iorek growls. “No father would dare attack their child’s soul.”

“Well he did, and there’s nothin’ I can do to change that.” He takes a breath, deep and slow, ignoring his throbbing ribs. “He only did it the once, but I’ll be damned if that was the only thing he did wrong. I’ve lost more time to him than I have any fight I’ve ever gotten myself into.”

He laughs, and Iorek slows his pace, twisting too look up at him, but Lee hardly notices the concern in those dark eyes. He’s too caught up in his thoughts, too lost in the storm swirling in his mind and-

“I used to be grateful for it, you know. Because it wasn’t love, it never was, even if it took me some time to figure that out, but at least I felt somethin’.” Because that small town in Texas was always meant to be wrong, always too tight and conforming and too _small._

Too small for someone like him, who craved the freedom that only the sky can offer.

The next part is harder to say. “Dammit Iorek, I couldn’t give her away. She wanted Lyra, and I couldn’t give her the answer, even if I knew. Coulter says she loves her, but she’s just like him, my father. Tryin’ to make Lyra fit into her perfect world, even if Lyra can't thrive in it. She said she loves her, and so do I, but that doesn’t mean we won’t hurt her.”

Hester presses against him, mindful of his aches. “You’ve done _everything_ you can to protect her, Lee. There’s nothing you wouldn’t do for that kid. Lyra knows that.”

Iorek growls, and somehow it’s soft and quiet and fierce, all at once. “Hester is right.” He says, and the bear leaves no room for argument. “You would do anything to protect the child, just as I won’t let harm come to anyone in my circle.” 

He blinks. It’s an odd feeling, being compared to a bear, though, not as strange being considered in Iorek’s circle. Lee’s never had that intimate connection before, between his cruel father and sickly mother, and his life among the clouds, and he doesn’t know if he’ll ever truly get used to Iorek’s protective nature.

Of course, he also never expected to love a child with all he has to offer. Because that’s what Lyra is to him, something of a daughter. And he doesn’t know how that happened, but somehow, he was charmed by the kid, and now that she’s gone, all Lee wants to do is get her _back._

“Help me find her,” Lee says, no, he _begs,_ because when it comes to this, his pride is nothing. “Please, Iorek, I can’t be another person to leave her behind. Not like Lord Asriel, not like Ms. Coulter.” _Please,_ he doesn’t say, but he knows Iorek will hear it anyways, _don’t make me do this alone._

“Of course,” Iorek says, nodding. “I was fond of her, as well, and if there is a way to get her back from the other world, then we shall find it, before the Magisterium and Ms. Coulter do.”

Of course. Of course Iorek will help, because that is what Iorek _does._ He fights for those he loves, and he loves Lyra the same way Lee does, and somehow, he fights for Hester and him, too.

He takes a breath. Makes his decision. “I’m goin’ to break the cycle.” Lee whispers, and he doesn’t know if he’s talking to Iorek or himself. “I’m not gonna waste my time thinkin’ about the past, because Lyra got a bad hand, too, and she deserves better than this.”

“So did you.” Hester insists, gently pawing at his hand. “We didn’t deserve what we got, either.”

Lee’s trying to believe that, he is, but he wants to argue, because he _isn’t_ a good man. He’s abandoned everything he knew for the sky, for a lonely life with no rewards, just to escape the life he was given. Hell, he’s pickpocketed and lied and _killed_ to keep himself safe, and just because he hated it, it doesn’t mean that it didn’t happen.

He doesn’t say any of that.

“And maybe we didn’t, and maybe we did, but that is not the _point_ here, Hester. We never had anyone there to support us, but Lyra? We have the chance to be _there_ for her, in a way that no one ever was for us. I can’t just-”

Hester looks at him, her head held high and her eyes bright. “I know what you mean, you don’t have to say anymore.”

And aren't those words a relief, because he’s exhausted in a way he didn’t know was possible. Maybe it’s his injuries, or maybe it’s just talking about _him._ About the memories he tried so hard to drown out, the ones that were suddenly forced to the surface that Lee doesn’t know what to do with.

“Rest now, my friend.” And even _Iorek’s_ voice sounds soft, far more gentle than he knows how to handle. “You’ve done a brave thing, opening your mind to itself, knowing the damage it would cause. Tonight, you’ve done good. Rest now, and tomorrow, we plan, for our child is missing and we want her back at our side.”

Lee starts to protest because he can keep going, _really,_ he can, but Iorek is already stopping. Carefully depositing him in the snow, because maybe his ribs ache too much to move, but he’s _fine._ He’s good with pain, and he can work through it, though, Iorek and Hester’s twin glares keep his mouth shut.

Okay, so _maybe_ he isn’t exactly fine, but Lee will never admit that.

“Rest, Lee Scoresby.” Iorek says, and there’s no way of getting out of it now. “We’ll be here when you awake, and believe me when I say, we will find her.”

Lee Scoresby falls asleep, and the memories are finally silenced, drowned out by images of an old balloon, of a safe heaven for bear, child, and aeronaut. Of exploring every inch of this world they live in and of getting into trouble, because that’s what people like them always do. But most importantly, of comfort, and of home.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so I know that this is going to be canon divergent, but hey, we could always do with some found family fics, even if they're like 75% angst and tragic backstories. I'm honestly not entirely sure if I have the characters right, especially Iorek, because he talks in such a specific way? I don't know, it's formal sounding according to my standards, but that's just his way of talking, so I tried to write it as best as I could. As usual, any and all feedback would be appreciated.
> 
> And was I the only one drawing comparisons between Ms. Coulter and Lee during That Scene? They mirror each other so well, but that scene really added to the parallels between their characters. They foil each other brilliantly, and I may have to write a quick thing involving that.
> 
> Anyways, that's all the rambling I'm going to do. Thanks for reading!


End file.
